Hello and welcome back to another DailyTop10s Top 10 Video. Today we’re taking a look at bizarre sex positions. So, if missionary is getting old, doggystyle doesn’t do it for you, and you’re prepared to risk life, limb and penis to try something new, then give these positions a try.
10. The Bridge
On paper, this probably sounded like a great idea and a unique position, but in reality it’s the flat-pack furniture of sexual positions, and will cause just as many arguments when it inevitably goes wrong.
9. The Carpet Burn
Carpet burns are fun, right? Well, they are to the creators of this sex position, where you forgo the comfort of a bed or even a chair, and simply do it on your knees. You might want to put a towel down first though, because this one’s causing a leak.
8. The Randy Raft
In this position the woman lies flat on a pool raft while the man, in the water, straddles her from behind. We imagine it must be cold and awkward for the woman, but if you are going to give this one a try anyway, just make sure the lifeguard is looking the other way first.
7. Melody Maker
What do you get when you combine a bad back, carpet burns on your knees and a stool that you will never look at the same way again? Well, apparently you get the Melody Maker, and in our experience that melody involves a lot of screaming, swearing and shouts of “you’re not doing it right!”
6. The Man Trap
This is the missionary position for crazy women. It involves the woman wrapping her legs around the man to stop him from leaving, although in our experience, he has no intention of doing that. At least not until he’s finished. After which, you’ll need more than a simple leg-lock to stop him from rolling over and going to sleep.
5. The Wheelbarrow
This takes a lot of effort and a lot of strength from both parties, but it might be worth it in the end. And once you’ve finished having sex, you can take your partner on a walk around the garden.
4. The Head Game
If you want to combine moves from the WWE with sex, then this is the position for you. Personally, we don’t see the appeal. If the woman doesn’t pass out, then she may break her neck.
3. The Butter Churner
This position was clearly invented by someone who has never had sex before. We’re not sure how it works, and we’re pretty sure human bodies don’t work like that. The man looks like he’s sitting on the toilet and the woman looks like she’s had too many drinks and is in the middle of falling ass-over-tit. Either way, it’s not pretty.
2. Speed Bump
This is a position for the couple who can no longer bear to look at each other. It also helps if the man is light, otherwise by the time he finishes he could discover that his partner was asphyxiated to death several minutes ago and he just shagged a corpse.
1. The Passion Propeller
Looking like an off-centre 69, this position actually expects the man to do a 360 degree spin on top of his partner, perhaps confusing the male body for a helicopter. We’re pretty sure that this does not work, and we’re pretty sure that even if it did, no one would want to try it.
Or did we just underestimate you?
Thanks for watching!